motherhood

i've been a mother now for almost 11 months. and in celebrating my first mother's day yesterday, here are a handful of thoughts on my first year being a mom.

on one hand, it's a steep learning curve but on the other hand, you think no one is a better mother to your kid than you. the day to day isn't so mundane when your baby starts to gaze at new things in wonder and when you start seeing the world through those eyes, it's all much more exciting. you can't believe you still don't fit into your old clothes. every so often, you're hit in the face with what it means to sacrifice your own wants for your baby and that stings. you shed a few tears about it but then your baby wakes up from his nap with a smile and your own silly want has been forgotten. you learn to get more done during nap time. you can talk about kids 24/7 but you still also like to talk about other things. every moment out of the house alone is a mixture of "thank goodness i'm out of there" and "i wish i was back at home". you think about all the possible ways you could make money without needing childcare. you forget what it was like to be pregnant. you get funny ideas about how you and your spouse should be sharing all responsibilities and force him to bathe the baby even though it doesn't seem to work out well and then after awhile the thought occurs to you, "what if i was only one who bathed the baby? what would be wrong with that?" because you and your spouse each have your own strengths. you learn facts that make your feel better, like: babies have, on average, 11 colds a year. you can't believe you've been so blessed to have such an amazing baby and you can't wait for all the years to come.