Monday, March 02, 2009

realistic expectations of self...

ready for an introspective view of rebecca? oh - it's deep. you may not want to know this much about me. :)

something i tend to have a problem with is having a realistic perspective on what i can accomplish. every year in university, i'd think, "okay - new beginning. this term i'll read every single thing required and stay on top of all assignments." it never happened. one year when preparing for the new school year, i had this great idea that the kids would write in these journals everyday during silent reading with comments and thoughts on what they were reading and then i'd read and respond to them everyday. after day one, i decided, "maybe i'll respond every week." and then after a few weeks, i decided "these journals are ridiculous." a big joke in my family is that one year for my parent's anniversary, i told them that i'd clean their house every two weeks for a year. i went out and bought a bucket, some sponges, etc. and then never cleaned the house once.

so the problem with this affliction, is that i'll hear about something and my first thought is usually, "oh yeah - i could do that." sometimes this is okay. when i was at agassiz and our french teacher left, i had a summer to mentally prepare for teaching french and now i've been teaching it for 2 years. it's way out of my comfort zone and if i could give it up, i would, BUT i AM able to do it. however, putting yourself out of your comfort zone ALL the time can bring a lot of stress, right?

i took a personality and work styles test awhile ago. (my dad was my facilitator - thanks dad) because he does this type of testing for businesses and such, it explains what your natural personality is in your comfort zone and then it also shows what your work personality has to be to get your job done. so if these two personalities are way far apart, that means you'd be under a lot of stress at work because it's so far away from what your natural abilities and skills are. SO my two personalities (i know i'm not explaining this right dad so feel free to comment...i don't think it's called personalities because it's making me sound a little strange) okay, my two work style personalities? they're not crazy different but in his explanation of my "results", it shows that to be a teacher, i have to be more extroverted than i naturally want to be. i'm a closet-introvert (which i knew - maybe you didn't) which would explain why i feel so drained after spending a lot of time with people. in highschool, i'd go to parties only to make an appearance for awhile. thankfully i had a couple friends who were similar and we'd leave together and hang out on our own after. haha. early in our relationship, tim and i went to this wedding for a friend of tim's but tim wasn't even that great of a friend with this guy so he didn't really know anyone who was going to be at this wedding. i was so stressed about about having to sit with people i didn't know and what if it wasn't assigned seating and no one wanted to sit with us etc., that i was in tears before the reception. we got there, met the people at our table, and when we left, people were hugging me good bye. tim was so weirded out by the two different rebeccas - but hey, this is me!

now, who doesn't want to make some money? i hear about home business type things and i say to myself? see paragraph 3..."sure, i could totally do that." after staying at bed and breakfasts this summer on the east coast, i thought to myself, "i could totally have a bed and breakfast!" and i spent hours figuring out how i could turn our suite into a b&b. but come on...i eat toast for breakfast. i own enough underwear to get me through 3 weeks without having to do laundry. i couldn't have a b&b.

my aunt has a home business called 5th Avenue Collection - she shows and sells jewellery. similar to tupperware, you can host a party, invite a few friends, and she'll come and show you lots of jewellery and you can buy some if you like it. there's a free gift for being the hostess and it's very nice jewellery. now you don't HAVE to have parties - you can just show individuals or people can buy it online, etc. when my aunt laurie showed me her collection, it was great stuff...and what did i think? "i could totally sell this." and i signed up. so for two months, this jewellery loomed over me and i kept giving myself pep-talks that i could do this...but it was too out there for me. the out there part is really the parties so i technically still have my website if you're interested. you could buy from me online if you find anything you fact - please do! (email or message me if you're interested in some more details) but if you're wishing you could have a party...i'm sorry. you can't. :) too far out of my work personality.

when i recently posted about V8 juice and "how could i make money on posts like these?", my cousin gave me some tips on making money with blogs. and i what did i think? "i could totally do this!" but this time, i tried to think more realistically. could i really spend the time to research and figure it all out and then put in the daily work? i don't think i can right now. but isn't it good that i decided before beginning and then having to quit it? look at me! i'm getting better!

now about this baby...haha!


theRachel said...

I like you just the way you are.

Sharelle said...

oookay. feel like i dropped the ball here. bec goes for the deep post, and then we aren't here to comment. and as bloggers know, we NEED comments. ha.

Great thoughts Bec. I am interested in this personality test. I have often thought that teaching is a funny career, because it draws on strengths that you have but also asks so much more that you aren't. Its a good thing in a way, taking us out of our comfort zone etc. but also puts us into some crazy situations.

If it makes you feel any better, I think I am the opposite. I am likely to believe that I will horribly fail at something (ask Matt, this happens to me whenever I start something new). You are probably more likely to actually take things on that you can do, I will probably run away. So there you go, in comparison to me, you're fine :)

And like Rachel, I too like you just the way you are....

Margaret said...

Hmm, I guess I didn't comment because I wasn't really sure where you were going with this.... what the 'point' was. Don't get me wrong, they are lovely introspective thoughts. Were you trying to say that you shouldn't be a teacher, because that is too outgoing for you? Or were you more just musing on your tendency?

Of course it's always good to be aware of what kind of person you are. It's like my favorite Socrates quote—and incidentally the only Socrates quote I know—"Know thyself."

judymacd said...

I got a bucket and a package of sponges out of it :)

Elizabeth said...

i believe the point of the post margaret is that you should buy some of bec's jewellery. sheesh. i thought you were an intellectual.

Jamie said...

You can totally do this baby thing.

Nice post... I am a bit behind in my reading...

It's called Behaviour Style Assessment - it reflects your preferred behaviour - and behaviour is something one can always control, although we all have a range of behaviours we prefer.

Outside that style we do get a bit stressed, and it takes more energy to pull it off. But we can still do it if we choose.