Tuesday, December 01, 2009

the moments i wasn't expecting

don't get me wrong, i was excited to be having a baby. but i was expecting there would be a lot more moments of frustration or resentment - you know - it's a huge life change. instead i have moments when ben buries his head in my neck and giggles and i bury my face in his neck and giggle at the same time. i have moments when i am giving ben his last bottle and he reaches his chubby little hand up and gently strokes my hair. i have moments when he is so tired and i'm standing at the counter at a store and he gives in and just rests his head on my shoulder. i have moments when i'm trying to tuck him in for a nap or bedtime and instead of making a sleepy face, he laughs. these are the unexpected moments that make no room for moments of resentment because this huge life change was one for the better. i didn't know.

6 comments:

ashlee said...

i adore this post.

Laura said...

You made me tear up. You really should have another:)

theRachel said...

Wow. I feel like one of the reasons why I have (thus far) not had babies is fear of that possible resentment. But, I would wonder if the place you're at (love, no resentment) comes when you are truly ready to be a mama...which I'm not.

That Ben is one fortunate kiddo. What a great mom he has!

Laurie Newbigging said...

love this post.... so sweet!!

Anonymous said...

You are a great writer!

rachel said...

Rebecca, you've articulated something I felt deeply those first months with Nevin. I expected it to be horrible - that every day held some good gift, something precious like the moments you described - I was totally caught off guard by the joy and love Nevin brought into my life. And I DEFINITELY would not have considered myself ready to have a baby. I found it impossible not to be filled with wonder: this is a little person who is all all mine right now.